I am amazed, perplexed and frustrated at the power of the mind. Since the age of 11 my brain has caused me much annoyance, but that was purely the physical nature of my brain, and the fact that, quite frankly, it didn’t work properly. I can understand that, and I can control it with medication, avoidance of flashing images, and sensible choices. But the mind is a completely different kettle of fish.

As soon as I think I have sorted out my ‘Mindset’ something goes scewiff and I find myself having to override what is happening naturally. I think it’s about getting stuck in a rut, no, that’s not it… it’s purely when I’m not concentrating anymore and I fall into old habits.

Last year I did an assembly at school about being a creature of habit, which I think we all are. It takes 66 days for something to become habit, but I’m not sure if you ever get rid of old habits. I realised the other day, with some suggestion from a friend that I was always a secret eater. In front of others I would just be eating normal meals, quite often not finishing. Why was I 19 stone? Because on my own I would eat utter trash, and a lot of it. On Thursday we caught the train back from Birmingham, we got some snacks for the journey, mainly because I needed to be distracted from the state I was in leaving home. We ate one of the bags. On Friday, I found the bag of my favourite chocolates still in my bag, and I ate them, not openly but whilst the husband was out of the room, and whilst I was walking to meet a friend.

My old habits of eating, drinking, and laziness have been my habits for at least 20 years whereas my habits of healthy choices and exercise have been habits for less than two years. I have to be careful not to go into autopilot, and I need to make conscious decisions still. I know how much better I feel when I am making the right decisions, I also know how easy it is to go the other way. 

I need to accept that this life choice is exactly that, it is a life choice. And I imagine it is going to have to be frequent occurrence when I have to press ctrl+alt+del to override the autopilot and reboot the system.

My body doesn’t do slim naturally, and as soon as I stop making the conscious effort, well… I think we all know what will happen. I don’t think I will ever get back to what I was, although I also know I can’t rule it out. But I know from recent experience it can creep on quite happily and quite easily, and I’m finding excuses not to exercise as well.

Our minds all work very differently and we motivated in different ways and by different things. The one thing I have learnt more than anything over the last two years is the importance of knowing your own mind and how it works. I understand myself a lot mor now than I used to, that doesn’t mean that it always works all the time, but at least I can recognise when I need to reboot, and how to reboot. I guess the aim is that I am able to prevent the need for rebooting in the first place, and avoid at all costs the need to turn it off and on again, I’ve been there too many times before.

Do not underestimate the power of your mind, make sure you are aware of it, and look after it as much as you can.