FOG

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First day back after the holiday, actually managed to wake up with the alarm, bag was already packed, I was ready to go. When I walked outside it was really foggy. This was fine whilst walking through the town etc, it was noticeable, but it wasn’t problematic due to enclosed spaces, streetlights etc. But then… I got to the ‘meadows’ that I walk through, and I could only see just in front of me. This is towards the end of my walk to work, and it normally seems to drag. But this morning it didn’t seem that bad, and not just because I was walking at quite a pace anyway. 

There is a road in Canterbury that the husband referred to as the ‘never ending road’ – this is actually a road I used to live on, and is the final stretch before reaching his childhood home. From what I understand it is never ending because, when you’ve been shopping with your mum, brother and sister, one of them has probably got lost in town, and you’ve been dragged round the town, and you’re probably having to carry bags of shopping as well… you’re then walking down this road, you can see the end, you know this is leading to your house, but it just seems to keep going and going and going.

I think the reason the walk through the meadows seemed quicker today is because I couldn’t see the end of the path, I could only see the few steps in front of me. Sometimes seeing the end goal is daunting, you are just focussed on that, and how vast and scary it is, that you forgot that it takes lots of small steps to get there in the first place.

I have big goals to meet at the moment, and I keep focussing in them, and it is scary. Goals are important, but somehow I need to get my mindset to focus on the small steps rather than the massive journey.

I’ve got no idea how to do this, other than every time I get daunted by the big goal, I think about the small steps in between, and then I think about how many small steps it will take, then I get scared, then I get further away – hello vicious circle!

The journey is the important part where you learn more, I know this, I’ve experienced this, I’ve written about this, why can’t I remember this?

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