Warning – this is one of those posts which is going to have a lot of questions. Usually I would say that I don’t expect any answers, but actually I’m at a point where, if you do have any thoughts, ideas, I will be more than welcome to receiving them. Preferably as a private message, but hey I’m doing this on a public platform so…
I’m find myself in a very perplexing position where I am using the word frustration a lot, in a variety of areas of my life, and then something happens where I realise how completely blessed I am. Hence the vicious crazy circles, and amazing rainbows – which are needed to put the circles into perspective.
Let’s start with the circles. As I have said there are a lot frustrations going on in my life at the moment but there is one in particular – weight. Whenever people have asked me how I’ve lost weight, I’ve always said I haven’t dieted, I haven’t done it for any reason, I didn’t have a goal, I’ve just done it for me, and have let so much better for having done it. I am the healthiest and happiest I have ever been, and I know it’s because I have done things in the best way for me, it’s also a lot more than just a weight issue. You just have to have read previous blogs, especially my earlier ones to know that.
I also know that if I set myself deadlines, targets etc I am rubbish at keeping to them, but if someone else tells me to then I will ft stuff done, it may well be last minute, but it will get done.
This is why I am so confused at the moment. I now have a target, a deadline, a goal, I have to lose at least 1.5 stone in 3 months. Usually with me, a goal is a good thing, something set by someone else. But not this time. The problem is that I have plateaued since January, I put on a bit then lost some, but my body is refusing to shift the remainder. This was annoying me anyway, but now I know I need to lose it I find myself slipping back into awful habits of comfort. Nowhere near the extreme that I was at, but still habits that I know can grab me, and I am very susceptible to following. This then leads to no weight loss, or obviously the opposite.
Along with a cold, sore throat, barely a voice, and end of termitis, I’ve been feeling very low, very perplexed, and rather lost. It doesn’t help being told that I’ve done so well, I look so good, that’s great – but it’s not where I need to be. I find myself closing in on myself again, cutting myself off from others, losing the confidence I had found.
The things that were new and exciting, are now normal, I am finding myself dipping, and I need to kick start again.
But then days like today happen…
I don’t have much of a voice, so wasn’t really looking forward to singing into a microphone at church, especially as it was a confirmation service with hundreds of people and the Bishop. Then there was the meal after, and I was going to have to be polite and sociable. Yes, grumpy, but I am tired and not so well.
I couldn’t have been more wrong, it was a fantastic service. 11 people got confirmed, including 4 pupils who go to the school I teach at. There were so many people there to celebrate with these 11, including friends who I know go to a variety of churches in the area, friends who I haven’t seen for ages, and loads of pupils from school, supporting their friends.
One of the candidates spoke about how she wanted to take the step because she knows that it is tough, but she knows that she wants to follow Jesus, on this next step of her life and is journey.
Even the washing up was fun, building up relationships, singing songs, even the bishop helped out.
What a rainbow moment! The norm, may be normal, but it is still so exciting. To have 11 people willing to stand up in front of their friends and family and confess their belief in God and their willingness to follow – WOW
I may be in the midst of vicious circles, but I need to hold on to the fact that I have so many blessings in my life. I have had many many dips in my life, and they are nothing in comparison to many others, this is just another, and I know I’m bound to learn something or numerous things on the way!