On Saturday a friend looked at me and said, “you just look so happy, in all the years I’ve known I’ve never known you look so happy. I don’t now what it is but there’s definitely something.” This took me quite by surprise, especially as the friend in question has known me for 11 years! To be fair, when she said it to me, I was feeling particularly good. We had had a 40th birthday celebration for my husband, it had been a LONG time in the planning, but it was worth it. It was absolutely perfect, and exactly what we wanted. All of our friends and family, just relaxing and having fun. I could not have asked for a better way to celebrate 40 years of the husband.
But then I got to thinking, on a few photos I’ve posted on fb recently, people have said that I keep looking younger, and in each photo I look happier. What is it?
Was I utterly miserable before? I don’t think so. But I am feeling better than I ever remember having felt before; I’m in better shape than I have ever been before; I am enjoying my job more than I ever have (and those of you who know what this year holds for me know what a big statement that is).
Rather than happy I think the word is content – which inevitably leads to happy appearance. I don’t feel that I ‘need’ anything. I’m constantly amazed at the people I’m surrounded with, the situations that I’m in, the journey I am on. The more I reflect on my life, the easier I find it to make decisions about what I do next. I know what works for me, and what doesn’t, I also know that that list changes which is not a problem.
I think this can be summed up in this summer holiday. On FB it must look like we’ve had the most fantastic time, which we have, but it must look it because so many people have commented on it. End of term I was close to melt down regularly, but I knew that I had loads to do over the holiday so I made a decision. I would take two weeks complexly off. Then when the husband was at work I would work. When the husband was off I was off. Previously this would have meant when the husband was at work I would look at books, write lists, and not do anything meaningful at all. When the husband was off we would sit on the sofa and watch to possibly pop into town. This year I hav been reasonably productive when the husband had been at work, but when he has been off we have not had a day at home! We’ve been out, we’ve done things, we’ve spent time together, we’ve had fun. And it has been awesome. We have one final day off together and it’s going to be epic! My hope is that we can keep this up at weekends once the madness of school kicks in – but we shall see!
So, am I happier? I think I am, but I think I am in a more consistent sense of contentness, which means I’m not as anxious or inevitably grumpy! What can I say, I’m still living up to my blog title and enjoying life.