The Big Booming Voice (of someone else)

I have a loud voice, I always have. There was a time when I was in an assembly at secondary school, everyone else had microphones but there weren’t enough for everyone so I just used my very loud voice – every ne heard me clearer than those using microphones (highly embarrassing), then the headmistress approached me and said she could use me next time we had a fire drill rather than the mega-phone!

What I find though, is like with so many things, not only do I have a big booming voice, but it is the big booming voice that I listen to, that makes me respond. For many people, it’s the still, small voice, but for me that’s the starting point of the percolation process. For something to happen I need the big booming voice. Let me explain…

Over the last month I’ve had the pleasure of meeting with two women, both of whom were outsiders, looking in to my situation. The first is a friend I’ve known for about 13 years, we don’t see each other very often but she reads my blogs, is friends on FB, has mutual friends, so knows a certain amount about me, but is ‘outside’ of the things I do and am part of. The second is someone I’d met twice before yesterday, purely professional, and yet I felt I needed to approach her about some concerns playing on my mind.

Both women shared a lot of wisdom with me, were able to be completely honest with me, and at times be a bit strict with me. And this is what I mean by the big booming voice, not that either of them have a big booming voice – well not whilst talking to me – but they both spoke truths over me. They made me listen to what I needed to hear. None of it came as a shock to me, it was stuff I’d thought about before, but coming from someone else it tends to mean more.

I don’t know whethe this is something to do with the fact that I don’t trust myself and have no confidence in my own thought processes. Or whether it is just that sometimes we need someone else to point out something that we already know. With both women they pointed out that actually I need to let some things go, to do what I’m meant to be doing well, and to ensure that I am looking out for me. 

If my calculations are correct today is probably the anniversary of my most read blog to date – about when I had an anxiety attack at the beginning of last academic year. The wisdom from these two women, will hopefully ensure that nothing like that will happen again, there are things in my control, and many things beyond it – I just need to learn the difference – thank God that I have people in my life that will point out that difference to me when I’m not paying attention to myself!

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