I like to be alone. I’m not great with quiet, but I like to be alone. For example when I walk to work in the mornings I go at ridiculous o’clock so that my route is nice and quiet, I put the headphones in, and I take the same route everyday. When the husband worked in the same direction as me he walked with me one morning – worst journey ever. Don’t get me wrong, I love the man, but, he wanted to talk. We were talking about this with my friend in Brum the other week, who said ‘she’s never liked to talk in the morning’ as we used to sometimes get the same bus in the morning, but I would sit on my own!
People question the time I leave, the fact that I walk rather than get the bus, but it works for me. I’ve always been more of a morning person – I follow after my mum. My walk gives me time to wake up, and prepare for the day ahead. There aren’t many people in work when I arrive, so I’m able to just get on with stuff. It works for me. My classroom is barely quiet, and there will often be 80s music blaring out, but it is often only me in there – and that works.
However, it isn’t always good, and I can be my own worst enemy. Last night I gave the husband permission to ‘take me away from me’ when I go back to work. I have a tendency to over think things, and sometimes I can get completely caught up in what’s going on in my head, which often has a detrimental effect on my health, well-being and everyday life. So I have told the husband that if he can see that I’m caught up in ‘me’ that he has permission to take me for a walk or go for a pint but essentially to take me away from me.
I’m good at hibernation, but when I hibernate I take myself away from everyone. There may be times when I need to avoid large groups of people as I get too anxious, but I also need to force myself to not hibernate from those who give the strength to get through the hibernation like the husband, E or D. I always seem to get shocked in the holidays when I spend large amounts of time with the husband, how much I love spending time with him and how good it is for me. I need to recognise now how that can help me get through the other times as well.
I like to be alone, and it can be helpful at times, but I give permission for people to take me away from me when they can see that I am not helping myself.