On Sunday I was leading the service at church. I hadn’t been feeling that great in myself but it was something I had promised I would do so I did. Prior to the service I had barely spoken to the husband, I tried to stay away from people, and when someone asked how I was my response would be “I’m here”. I didn’t know what else to say as that was all I could be sure of.
But then, 11:00, microphone in hand and I was fine. Joking with the congregation, leading the service, handing over when needed. People told me it went well. However, as soon as the service was over, I stepped down and fell in to the arms of the husband with tears filling up my eyes. I honestly felt that for that period of time I had put on a mask, which I took off once I was no longer in front of a group of people.
I know that this is a regular thing I do, but I don’t know whether it is the right thing to do. Should I be hiding who I am, and how I’m feeling or is that actually best when in a sense of leadership, as I was on Sunday. This is something I know I have often done in the classroom. I imagine we all put on masks at times. I am incredibly fortunate that there are people I can take my mask off with. When I was talking to E about this she pointed out that at least I could put on the mask as there are times when I don’t even have the strength to do that.
Final wonderings for today… I don’t think we should be afraid about wearing a mask if we need to but we need to recognise when we do and be able to be maskless with a few people.