To be carried

It always takes me a while to catch up on BIOY (daily audio of the Bible) after a school holiday – essentially because I tend to listen to it on route to work. However, after February half term break it has taken me longer. Today I was listening to the 3rd Feb and there is one sentence that has been playing in my head since ‘do you need to be carried today.’. My answer would be YES.

The reason it has taken me so long to catch up, is because I have been recovering. At the beginning of the break I had a seizure, in my usual fashion this was not just a seizure but a seizure over the side of the bath and my abdomen on the right side is not very grateful for this. There is a lot of bruising and pain which I am still very aware of. I attempted work last week, but learned rapidly that it wasn’t going to be beneficial for anyone.

So… more BIOY to catch up on, as opposed to listening to it whilst at home!

Then on Monday this week I was brought home in a police car having had a seizure at the side of a major road, amazingly people stopped to help.

Bubble wrap and cotton wool have both been suggested, although the pupils are set on an epilepsy dog!

I cannot put in to words how I’m feeling at the moment (useful for a blog) physically I’m in pain and I can describe that. Emotionally and mentally I’m a wreck, and a very scared and confused one at that.

Over the last week my relationship with E has been a mixture of silence, and frankness. I probably chose the silence at times to avoid the frankness. But one thing she always draws me back to is God, that He made me, He made my brain, and He loves me. We might not understand that at times but it’s true. I have to say that as scared, frustrated and confused I am I do know He’s there – I might not feel I want to go there but I know He is.

My Granny’s favourite poem was footprints, where the narrator questions God why there were only one set of footprints in the toughest times, to which the reply is ‘that is when I carried you’. I’m not sure bubble wrap or cotton wool are the answer, because I can always recover from the physical stuff and it will look stupid – but to know my God is carrying me, whether that is through friends, or through, words, or sentences from podcasts – it definitely brings some comfort in a time of turmoil.

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