Treading water… struggling to keep the head above

I used to go life-saving, in fact I used to be a lifeguard. One of the bizarre things about lifesaving training was that as much as you learnt how to save people you also spent a lot of time being a casualty and waiting to be rescued. As I write this I know that it sounds melodramatic but that is kind of how I’m feeling at the moment. I feel like I’m treading water, but that I’ve been there for some time and I’m now struggling to keep my head above the water, but I’m still there… waiting… to be rescued.

The irony is that at the moment, the way my brain’s working (or isn’t working), I wouldn’t go anywhere near a swimming pool. If I did I’d let the lifeguard know about the epilepsy meaning that everyone else is in danger because the lifeguard doesn’t take their eyes off me – believe me I’ve seen it happen!

To take the lifesaving metaphor even further, I feel like I’m going from incident to incident. I’m the casualty, in the deep end, treading water, waiting to be rescued. I get rescued. Then it’s someone else’s turn, so I’m a casualty again.

It’s always a different incident, and never quite manifests itself in the same way. BUT… it keeps happening… and then I think excellent we’ve made progress we’re out of the woods… sorry we’re out of the deep water (I’ll try and stick to the same metaphor) and then back we go again.

Do I have anything wise and profound to say from this? No! It’s merely an observation. I know that life is never going to always going swimmingly but at this exact moment in time I would really appreciate the opportunity to feel able to swim and not feel the need to wait for the rope, the buoyancy aid, or to be towed out of deep.

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