On Thursday I returned home from work and my fb status suggested that I was grateful to have made it to the end of term; kind of in one piece; and that next term I was hoping it would be more ‘normal’ although I wasn’t entirely sure what I meant by that.
So why a status like that? I have to admit that this last term has been one of the toughest terms that I’ve ever had, and for no reason other than the malfunctioning of my brain and the effect that has had on every aspect of my life. I’ve been loving my job, the teaching and everything else, but the effect it’s had on me mentally has been… well I’m not really sure how to define it. Just as I was struggling with coming to the end of term anyway, it all ended with me face-planting a step at school – essentially having a seizure face first, resulting in a lot of cuts, bruises, black eyes, bitten lips and a bitten tongue. So my last week at school involved looking horrific, and a lot of explanations of why I looked so horrific.
I’ve always been very lucky and have never really had any issues with my skin. No real issue with pimples, never any real need for make-up, the only time that there has been issue has been through my own fault – last year I scratched away at my skin through anxiety; or through seizures – falling down the stairs breaking my nose and wrist; falling onto a concrete floor knocking my teeth out and splitting my lip open… and those are just a few with the latest one adding to the file!
This year I’ve been listening to the ‘Bible in one year’ I’ve tried reading it previously, and never got very far, but listening to it as I walk to work has been quite good. Every day there is a psalm or a proverb; an extract from the New Testament and an extract from the Old Testament. The Old Testament readings recently have been from Leviticus and Numbers. Both of these involve the instructions given to the Israelites for sacrifices that they were to make to God. A lot of sacrifices were involved, for a lot of different reasons, but whenever it mentioned the animal that was to be sacrificed it mentions that the animal is to be ‘without blemish’.
What has any of this got to do with any thing? At the moment every time I look in the mirror I am reminded of the seizure I had, the issues that my brain is causing for me at the moment. However I need to think New Testament with my face and brain at the moment!
Today is Easter Sunday, where we celebrate Jesus rising from death. The death that he died as the ultimate sacrifice so that we don’t need to make those sacrifices of animals without blemishes anymore. We all have blemishes, none of us are normal, but none of that matters. We are loved by God for who we are, what we are, and what we have done.
My brain is not perfect, and that has meant that I have scars all over my face at the moment BUT I am still loved, and in God’s eyes I’m perfect. Because of his love, his grace, I have been made blemish free. I really do need to make sure that I have that New Testament vision… and I hope you do too!