Found…was it lost?

I was greeted by some odd looks and some scared faces yesterday. Why? Well one friend called me manic! But essentially it was because I had energy – and quite a lot of it! Why should this result in odd looks and scared faces? Because for months I have been similar to a zombie, in either a state of complete and utter confusion, violently twitching, or exhausted – and times when all three were at play.

The last few days in the classroom have been an absolute joy. It’s hard to put my finger on what has been so good about it… except for the fact that it feels like my ‘old self’ is back. It really is as if I have ‘found’ myself, but I didn’t realise I had ‘lost’ myself in the first place. I knew that I was getting confused… I knew I was tired… but I still thought I was being myself.

Obviously we all go through seasons, and there are going to be times when we go through highs and lows. We all expect that, but this feels slightly different. I have been able to do more, I have been more excited about small and simple things, I have shown more joy and excitement in the class, I have had ideas about future events. Essentially I have done more than surviving – which is what, this week, I have realised I have been doing for most of 2018 so far.

A friend, whilst seemingly scared at times, has done a great job of pointing out to me, that things I’ve been doing this week, attitudes I’ve had to things this week, wouldn’t have been possible, or even been on my radar in previous weeks – which is a good thing.

I don’t think it’s an issue that I hadn’t necessarily realised there was something ‘missing’ before, but I think I do need to be grateful for and make the most of times such as this. I also have to try and not get too caught up and expect this to be ‘normal’ after all, as I said in my previous blog we can’t really know what our normal is!

For now… time to get up, get going, and make the most of it!

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