You don’t know what you’ve got, until it’s gone

It’s been a bit of an odd couple of weeks, there has been a lot of yawning and a lot of people telling me that I look shattered – which is always lovely to hear from friends and colleagues (and students as well)!!!! Obviously I put the tiredness down to the amount I’ve been working, and approaching the half term break but I think there is more to it…

On Wednesday I was at my pinnacle of exhaustedness. After a wiped out week last week that had included tears as well, I thought I had rested last weekend, but apparently not enough. So we got to Wednesday, I accepted a lift home from work, sat down briefly on the sofa, got changed and headed out to my house group which I was leading. On Thursday I had a renewed sense of energy which continued throughout the next couple of days. This got me wondering and thinking…

Over the last two weeks I have barely seen the husband at all. He has been mainly working later shifts so by the time he gets home (if he isn’t sleeping in) I am normally in bed, if not asleep. Therefore morse evenings when I get home I just continue with work. I normally do work when he’s here but there’s something different about being able to talk whilst doing the work? We don’t have extensive conversations all the time, but I’ve missed just being able to talk about things. Last night I rushed home from work, collapsed on the sofa, before we headed out to the pub with friends. The walk to and from the pub was a battle between each of us to share everything about the last week – and it felt wonderful – but now he has gone off to work again! 

E has also been away for the last two weeks. Our messaging normally starts before 7:30 and will go on throughout the day. A lot of the time it is completely inane and sometimes insane, but there also the times where it is so meaningful and encouraging its crazy and what is needed to get through the day. Once again that opportunity to share hasn’t been there.

At the pub last night I was told I was an extrovert. I queried this because I do like my own space, but then what they said to me I hadn’t really realised about the whole introvert extrovert thing. It’s about where you get your energy from. As they pointed out to me, I get my energy from other people. I certainly do.

On Wednesday, I think it was partly the change of activity that caused me to wake up, but also being with a group of people. Thursday it was open evening at work, I was the most energised I’d been all week. Last night walking to and from the pub I was wide awake, talking, catching up with the husband.

You could argue that as a teacher I am with people all the time, and yes, I do come alive when I am teaching, but it’s different.

I knew that the husband and E were two of the most important people in my life, and probably the two that know me best but I don’t think I realised how much impact they have on my everyday life and I will never take them for granted again. Now to work out how to get through barely seeing the husband until half term! At least E flies back next week!

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