Wake up call

Why don’t I ever learn? 

It happens every single time…

I get my hopes up and then…

The wake up call.

Thursday was going to be a big day. I was having an appointment with my consultant, where it had been suggested that I would be discharged from the consultant and be referred to a specialist GP. First time without a consultant since I was 11, Thursday would also be 18 months since my last seizure. Again, the longest period of time I have been seizure free since I was 11. All in all a day of celebration. 

Every time I come up to a milestone I start dreaming. Maybe I could drive. Maybe that’s it gone. Maybe I’ll never need to do the epilepsy talk again.

Then…

The brain happens!

I haven’t had a seizure, but yesterday I thought I was going to.

I was jittery at the weekend but yesterday and today it has been worse, and I’ve been blanking out during conversations.

The wake up call.

Yes… the brain is considerably better than it has EVER been since 1992/3. BUT… it still doesn’t function particularly well. It has its moments, and it is always going to be a part of my life. I am going to have to take medication for the rest of my life. I am not going to drive. I must remember what E has said to me on numerous occasions “I love you dearly my precious friend but I will never get in a car that you are driving”!

There is nothing profound or meaningful to come from this, I just need to remember not to get my hopes up!

Hey ho… such is life!

Also… don’t jinx things… I messaged a group of friends to say that we were going to celebrate on Thursday… and then today I got a text to say my hospital appointment had been postponed! So not only has my brain been playing up annoyingly, but this week will not be the week that I am discharged from my consultant. It’s not a landmark week, but it is a wake up call! Not sure how I feel about it all if I’m honest – miffed I think! 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s