Pre reading warning… this has been in my mind all day, well aspects of it for a few days, but is being written following 3 pints over the course of 3 hours sitting in a pub with the one person who has known me all of my life, apart from my family, and therefore has a very unique insight into my life! The pre-warning being I’ve got no idea where this might lead!
I was sitting in the back of the car today as we were travelling down to Stroud to visit my aunty. I was reading my book for book group, but kept hearing snippets of the radio – including classic tunes such as design for life, dancing in the moonlight and wonderwall! At the beginning of the journey the phone in conversation was about stepping out of the comfort zone. But… after we had stopped for a coffee and comfort break I heard the presenter commenting on the fact that stepping upside of the comfort zone had led to the topic discussion of people achieving amazing things. Isn’t that so often the case? I cannot tell how much that one statement resonated with me today, at this point in time.
I’ve spoken befor about how comfort can be good but it can also be damaging. No… that’s wrong… it’s not damaging but it can be restrictive. I’ve spent a lot of my life living comfortably, there was nothing wrong with that, I was doing well, and life was good… but then I started pushing boundaries, stepping outside of the comfort and amazing things happened.
With recent set backs, I am very aware that I have started to fall back into some of those comfort zone habits. I was having this discussion with E the other day, our comfort is food. Over the last couple of months I have re-discovered the capacity I have to consume large chocolate bars and packets of biscuits. I wouldn’t necessarily say I have enjoyed doing it, but it is a comfortable reaction I have to stressful situations. I have been telling myself, “it’s ok, you’ve got to do what you can to survive at the moment”, “once it’s gone, it’s gone, so it’s ok to eat it all at once, then you can be good”, “you’re still walking a lot so you’re not going to get back to the size you were”, “tonight is your only night when you’re not doing something else so you can’t go to the gym” “the husband is actually at home tand knight so it would be rude to go out for a run” I KNOW it is all complete and utter rubbish, and yet I felt I was able to justify it, or should I say I felt I could justify it. Is it just a phase, a necessity for this time, I don’t know.
I knew that something needed to change, E has said get back to the mindset you had two years ago (when the whole weight loss journey started) the problem is I don’t know what that mind set or motivation was in the first place. Last Sunday the sermon at church was based on some hard hitting topics, which I needed to hear, but the main bit I needed to hear was actually a video about adultery – don’t worry I’ve been good and the husband is safe! It was essentially dealing with issue of temptation, if there is a temptation on one train, then get a different train. (I cannot do it justice, I also cannot find a link to it). But rather than keep going on the train with the temptation there and you have to resist the temptation, sometimes you need to make the conscious, bigger step to change the train you’re on. Although I know now that the talk was about changing trains, in my head I have been saying “you’ve got to change tracks”.
On the London Underground there are a variety of lines, to get to certain places you have to change line, there are junctions and cross over points but changes occur. There are also zones and there are certain zones where only some of the lines go. To get out of the ‘ordinary’ zones you have to change track. I am at a point where I need to make a conscious decision to change track, to move my mind away from the temptation of my default comfort zone.
It’s difficult, but I have to remember what stepping out of comfort did before, and the amazing things I achieved. Unfortunately as I write this the voice in my head is saying “but remember you have to look after yourself, and you can’t keep pushing yourself if it is detrimental to your health”.
Seriously, I actually have a full blown argument going on in my head at the moment – in response to the voices above “but when have you been healthiest and happiest? When you pushed yourself”
I’ll stop the running dialogue there… you probably get the gist
This is the balance that I’ve got to work out. But change track I must. And change zone I must.
This morning I was lying in bed at the folks house coming up with all the reasons why I shouldn’t/couldn’t go for a run, but in the end I had to overrule my body. It wasn’t the greatest of runs and there was a fair amount of walking, but the track change occurred. I’m no train expert but my understanding is the pulling of a lever Changes the track of a train, at the moment I have to consciously pull that lever multiple times a day, it’s hard work but I’m going to keep that statement from the radio playing my head
Stepping out of the comfort zone has turned into achieving amazing things!