This morning I was sitting in the full school worship (assembly) with one of our awesome speakers when one of the sentences resonated with me, she was telling the pupils (and staff) are ‘more than survivors’.

This time next week will be half term, and I have to say I’m looking forward to the break. I’m also pretty proud of myself to have made it after the down point of just before Christmas. I’ve done. What I set out to do… I have survived… mission accomplished… or is it?

I’m feeling a bit lost. I’m doing my job, I’m enjoying being in the classroom, but there is something missing. I’m not happy with just surviving, and yet I’m also very aware of the necessity of protecting myself and my health.

It’s all about balance. I know that. But I’m not sure what the right balance is.

I feel like I’ve stepped back a couple of years, to my former self. And if I’m honest I’m falling back into bad habits. I know that there was nothing wrong with me two years ago but…

I’m getting comfortable again, comfortably coasting, doing what I need to do. BUT… I’m not comfortable with being comfortable.

Survival is obviously a good thing, but it’s not sufficient for me any more. I know that I am susceptible to self-destruct – not in the physical sense, but in giving up. By that I mean not making the effort if I don’t think I will succeed. It’s easier to not even try than it is to try and fail. I know that’s not right, but that’s what my brain has a tendency to persuade me to think! 

I’ve recognised the issue… 

I don’t want to just survive, I want to be more

now for some answers… but I don’t have them! 

I imagine that will have to come in a future blog!