This post title and picture has been in my drafts for about two weeks, I knew it needed to be written and yesterday morning got the final prompt, and finally the time to write it.
There have been so many times this month when I have just where I’ve needed to be, or I have done just what needed to be done – AT THE RIGHT TIME! Sometimes this has been planned, sometimes it has been complete and utter accident. The question is does it really matter? I don’t think so, but it has made me ever so more aware that I am being watched over.
There is a lot of this is that is going to be quite cryptic but hopefully you’ll bear with me. At the beginning of September I was a very angry, upset and stressed person. This was my reaction to events at work. I had made a conscious decision not to confront the people involved, because, as I said this was my reaction, and I needed to make the decision to let it go, as it wasn’t in my remit. It hadn’t been done as I’d expected but that wasn’t my responsibility. Two weeks later I had a meeting with those involved. If that meeting had happened earlier, it would not have been productive in the slightest, but because I had calmed down, dealt with my own concerns, everything was fine and things are now being put in place.
Secondly, there has been an issue regarding worship that I have been struggling with a lot over recent months. Part of me knowing that I have the skills in order to lead worship; part of me feeling incredibly burnt and hurt following past experiences and therefore with a knocked confidence; part of me finding excuses as to why I shouldn’t lead worship – often using excuses such as no time, doing enough etc… It took me being brought to tears in a meeting, and working through what was happening in my head, to realise what I wa meant to be doing – namely using the gifts I have been given. Part of this process involved a bus ride with the husband and me talking at him about everything going on in my head. Once I’d reached that lightbulb moment the husband just sat there, and went OK. To me this was revelation, it turned out he’d realised it ages ok, but bless him, wanted me to realise it for myself. What a star! It was the process that I needed. If I’d just jumped in when first asked, I think I would have felt a sense of grudge about it. Instead, I am loving playing the piano more and excited to see where this leads.
Thirdly, last Thursday I met with my spiritual director. It had been a rough start to the term, but as we were meeting she once again bought me back to reality with a BOOM! I meet with her about once every three months, and although I started seeing her because I was considering ordination, I started to see her again after I’d realised my vocation was teaching. She looks at the big picture, she doesn’t know all the ins and outs, she has no real knowledge of any of the people or things that I am involved with. She listens, she compares me to the Helen she first met who sat in a chair, was unhappy, and had no direction, to the Helen sitting there in front of her beaming, and excited. And she constantly praises God! Seeing the bigger picture, enables her to see what God has been doing and continues to do. That meeting came at the perfect time, it hadn’t been a great start to the year, but even when I was inevitably whinging about stuff, she pointed out that those things were outweighed by the amazing amount of good that God had done and continued to do.
These are obviously quite big things, but the reason this post title actually came about was because about two weeks ago I was walking to school, and I suddenly realised that I hadn’t put in my headphones! So I plugged in and listened to my daily podcast which is a prayer devotional. I heard it much better than usual, quite often I know it is on, but I have to rlly focus to listen to it. My walk consists of a quiet cu-de-sac, a busy main road, through the town centre, and then out through a park and up a hill. Being a creature of habit I would always put the podcast on as soon as I left the house. This would mean that when walking down the duo-de-sac there was music, then the bible reading and reflection took place whilst walking down the main road. Once I got to the town centre the podcast was over. On the day in question I was in the centre when I realised I hadn’t plugged in. The reason I was listening was because at 6:45 in the morning, the centre is actually the quietest part of my journey, whereas the road is very busy. My habits, once again, have changed. I was always hearing the podcast but I wasn’t always listening because the noise of cars got in my way, or I was distracted by crossing roads. Is this not so often the case, that we need to find the right time and place for things to take place to fully benefit from them.
As I was walking through town yesterday the Bible reading was from Ecclesiastes 3
There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,a time for war and a time for peace.
Hopefully no explanation is needed as to why this reading prompted me to complete the blog I’ve been thinking about for some time. Things don’t always go the way we expect, sometimes there are complete accidents which then seem to be perfect in timing, sometimes we know ourselves well enough to understand what works. But I just have to trust that God is in control and He sees the biggest picture of all. WOW, slightly overwhelming and yet completley comforting why you think of it like that!