I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I need to be affirmed. It’s not that I like to be affirmed, it is actually a need. I know that, on the whole, I make good decisions; have good ideas; give fantastic assemblies; give a good sermon; but I never quite have the confidence to trust myself, and I always have to check things out. I am very fortunate to have friends, family, colleagues, who are ridiculously patient with me.
Especially, I would have to say, the husband and E. At the beginning of the year I made a New Years resolution that I would not read sermons or assemblies to either of them, but I would trust in my own ability. That hasn’t happened, but I don’t see it as a failure. I rarely change anything after I have checked it through, but once I have checked it, I am then so much more confident when I give the assembly or sermon, so it is better presented, and better received. I think I managed a couple of occasions without checking, but even since I have been checking again, they have not admonished me, but accept, quite happily I think, that it is something I need to do.
I need to be affirmed! What has been fantastic over the last week is that my path to teaching has been affirmed. Regular readers will know I’ve been on a bit of a journey of discovery this year as to what my vocation is. The decision I reached was that my vocation is teaching. I have continued to enjoy my job, more than I ever have done. But this last week there have been 4 occasions, where conversations at school have just affirmed that I am where I am meant to be.
I’m not going to go into them now, as people involved read this! But the comments came from pupils and colleagues, and they were so heartfelt and encouraging. But also at church. I preached a couple of weeks ago, and I enjoyed it and received good feedback. The husband started to worry that I was going to start questioning again, but I didn’t, it confirmed to me that I am a teacher, but ordination is far more than that! Then last night, we were at a service of Pentecost at the cathedral. There was a response call at the end, for those bring called to ordained ministry. For the first time in years since I’ve heard that response, I had no remote want to stand up, as I categorically knew that wasn’t for me.
I am so glad that I finally plucked up the courage to discern what God wanted me to be doing. I am even more grateful that God showed me and continues to affirm through others, and through signs, that I have made the right call, and that that will be honoured, blessed and affirmed!
Im not asking for you to affirm me, but please do tell people when they are doing something well, you never know they may need to be affirmed!