I haven’t been blogging as much as I was, and I thought it was just because I was busy, but I have come to realise that was one of many untruths I have been telling myself. I think the only way to move on is to be completely and honest…
… I have been feeling pissed off, annoyed and frustrated.
I have been hovering around the same weight since before Christmas and I just don’t seem to be able to reach the milestone that I wanted to. The problem? Me!!!!!
I am possibly my own worst enemy…
I strive when I am doing well! I was at the top at my primary school, and I worked hard to stay at the top. I then went to a grammar school, where I found myself at the bottom. I then gave up when I realised no matter what I did, I wasn’t going to be at the top!
I think that has happened with me again, but this time with weight! I kept trying, but my brain decided that no matter what I was doing I wasn’t going to reach the 6 stone loss mark so I might as well stop trying! This has led to me making excuses to not go running as often, or only doing a short run. Also snacking/indulging more – under the illusion that I’m not dieting/ I’m not going to put all that weight back on/ it’s not going to make a difference anyway – which then makes me feel worse and we have our old friend the vicious circle!
This next bit is going to sound quite vain but… I also respond to compliments and praise (I’m not fishing for them honestly) but recently I’ve noticed the majority of compliments come from people who I haven’t seen for a long time – the shock factor! Why is this an issue? I guess I feel what’s the point of carrying on if no one is noticing! I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s how my brain works! Luckily I have proof that my brain is slightly hay wire! Anywho I need to come to terms with the fact that it is a holistic thing, it’s not all about the weight loss and compliments but it’s about a healthier lifestyle – basically I need to read all of my first original blogs!
I know that I have done well, but I need to accept that my body is still changing and that the rate at which weight loss happens is going to change as well. I also need to stop fooling myself and need to get reasonably strict with myself again.
Another reason I am my own worst enemy is because of a decision I made when it came to Facebook. I made a decision that I was only going to post positive things/events in my life. This was mainly in response to people who I felt had a tendency to only ever whinge and whine and I didn’t think that it was the appropriate media in which to do that! Anywho, enough of my soapbox, I seem to have taken a similar stance with my blogging. I think I felt that it would only be beneficial if I was being positive all the time!
But actually, I think it’s more important that I am honest. How is it going to be helpful if everyone thinks the weight loss, lifestyle change has been easy? Answer, it’s not helpful at all! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to start whinging, but I am going to be honest. After all, as I’ve said numerous times, I’m on a journey, and it’s a winging road with her gas and lows.
So… I’m struggling! There, I’ve said it! Now just to deal with it! I originally thought I would deal with it and get on top of it over the Easter holidays, but that was never going to happen. But once again I am looking forward to getting back to work and my favourite thing of all time – routine!
I’ve got to go back to this time last year, avoiding any snacks that are available and going for a run 3 times a week.
I’ve had my wake up call, and I’ll let you know how I get on – even if it’s disastrous! I promise!