Last week I felt like I was drowning. I had so much going on, so much to do for work, planning a talk and a service for Sunday, family stuff going on, evening school stuff, the flat being decorated and therefore in disarray! I couldn’t quite see how I was going to get it all done. I was confused. I was in a mess. (Hopefully this was noticeably different to my usual state)
I was also very aware that I wasn’t counting the calories as much and wasn’t exercising as much as I had been. I had started to make excuses. “We didn’t get anything out the freezer, best just get a takeaway” “I’m tired I won’t go for a run”
But it was OK because I knew that on Saturday I was going for a walk and lunch with E. So I had decided that I would tell her that I was going to sort it out, and that I needed to get back on track. In my head I felt that if I told her, then I would feel accountable. Why I thought that I don’t know as she has never kept me on track, she has never told me off when I have put on weight, or not gone for a run, all she has done is encourage me and celebrate in my successes. As well as telling me I’m mad for running!
I was then teaching my year 12 classes, and we were looking at Free Will. This was when it hit me, AGAIN, I was the only one who could get me sorted out. It had to be my choice, and I needed to stop making excuses.
This was something I did chat about with E, over a healthy lunch and walk! We have both had people asking us how we can get other people to get healthy, lose the weight etc… the thing is… none of us can do anything. All we can do is allow them to make the choice for themselves. I still don’t know why I started in the first place, all I know is that I did. And I also know that I do not want to go back to the lifestyle I had.
Yesterday E and I had this conversation via text (starting with me)
“I actually dared to step on the scales this morning – still about the same. So hopefully with sticking to myfitnesspal, and 3 runs a week I might kick start the weight loss again?”
“Well done for getting on the scales – and I agree the plan should work but mostly what will work is your head space”
“First 6K run since 15th Feb. Feeling awesome – I feel a blog coming on”
“Go girl – mad but I am sure you must feel good”
I did feel good! The run had given me the space I needed, I was reenergised, and I felt I was ready to tackle a very busy couple of weeks. It really is a whole life thing. I felt rubbish, I ate rubbish and didn’t exercise, and then felt worse! There was part of me that felt I could get away with it now. But I honestly realise that I am better when I am eating better and exercising more.
If weight loss kick starts again – fantastic! If not – I don’t care as I know I will be feeling better.