Snap out of it

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“Snap out of it” is a phrase I have been saying to myself a lot this week. I have not been myself. This was happening before lunch time on Tuesday when we got “THE CALL” that our friends from OFSTED would be visiting us, so I can’t even blame them – which is Annoying to say the least!

I thought it was only affecting me, but then I was asked by a colleague if they had done something wrong, so it was clearly noticeable!

I just knew that I needed to “Snap out of it”. The biggest problem was that I didn’t know what “it” was. I had absolutely no concept of why I wasn’t myself. After Tuesday I don’t think anyone noticed because it was OFSTED and everyone was slightly ‘on edge’ – but I still knew that it was more than that!

What was it? I think it might be that I was disappointed with myself for not having got more work done last Sunday, so I was a bit behind going into the week. Possibly still the frustration of not having lost weight. Maybe there was no reason, and it is just ‘January’.

I guess the question really is “Does it really matter?” I don’t think it does. I knew that I wasn’t ‘myself’ but I wasn’t going to put on a face and pretend I was hunky dory either. I’ve done that too much in the past. The more I’ve thought about it, I think it was good that people had noticed. Because it was a rarity now, people were worried and cared. They wanted to know if there was anything they had done or could do.

This speaks loads about who I surround myself with. I have developed relationships where I can be honest and just say “It’s nothing you’ve done, it’s nothing to worry about, it’s just where I am”. And that is fine.

I don’t think I needed to “snap out of it” I just needed some “down time” which came at the weekend when I had a sleepover at my friends house. She was my housemate at uni, I went round after work, we put the kids to bed (after a disco in the bedroom) had a curry, a beer, watched a movie, and chatted! Then in the morning we played games with the kids and I got lots of cuddles. Now I’m feeling more like “me”, and am ready for the challenges, which I’m sure there will be, of this week.

I’ve just written a blog for school about not being anxious – and I think that was what I needed. It doesn’t say anything about not being anxious, but about giving the anxieties to God. Rather than just ‘riding through’ the ‘not me’ part of the week I started to worry about why I wasn’t myself! Since I have been writing this blog, I have been reflecting a lot. Sometimes there can be too much reflection, and sometimes you just need to accept – it is what it is – where are you going to go now! Which I guess is another reflection on reflection! ARGH! I think I’d better stop now!

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