I’m going to start with a confession! My husband and I are very different – and I don’t just mean height! For the hubby work is work, home is home, they are separate entities and never shall they meet! But for me, everything is entwined, home, church, work, family everything! I’m confessing this because I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to be bringing in school stories to my blogs, in the same way they come into every conversation. But hey it’s my blog, it’s about me, and my life!
Confession over, now to dare to be brave!
In a previous post I mentioned that E told me I could be brave, and that I didn’t exactly believe her, but then my wonderful mother in law posted a picture of a lion on my fb wall saying ‘you can be brave’! Personal affirmation is fantastic but why is it that other people see in us what we can’t see in ourselves? I was talking today about pupils starting responses with, ‘it’s probably wrong but…’ And I was saying why can’t they just be confident about their responses. To which my colleague looked at me and said ‘pot kettle black’! I am never confident in my own thoughts and ideas, i have to check everything with someone else
But this week I’ve held in my head that I can be brave, so have tried to be. The brave conversation came about in the first place because I had a dress I was going to wear to the cathedral on Sunday but I wanted to borrow a necklace, so E bought along a selection and showed me the on she would have worn with the dress and I looked and said no I couldn’t wear that, she said well you would need to be bold, and I said I’m not that brave, which was when she told me I was braver than I thought.
Now the brave things I’ve done this week have not been groundbreaking but they are things that I’m not sure I would have done before. I have worn dresses to work – on more than one occasion and for no particularly special occasion. I have put away the iPod since Tuesday evening, and I have put away the glasses for contact lenses.
As I said not particularly ground breaking, or headline worthy BUT it has been a complete overhaul of my life! This evening I went for my first run without glasses and without music! It really was a revolutionary sensory experience – and I’m not exaggerating! I could feel the air on my face, around my eyes, my ears were colder as they didn’t have headphones in. I was looking around more, but most revolutionary was that I was breathing! I could hear my breathing! I’ve never heard myself running before and I sound like a steam train! My route takes me down some country paths and along some busy roads and then down quite paths again. I hadn’t realised when I was on the busy roads that I couldn’t hear my breathing, then suddenly on a pathway there it was again, I was so aware of my breathing. This week has brought about an awareness, and I honestly feel like I’ve been hiding away from my thoughts, my feelings, my passions, my dreams, other people, and suddenly this year I’ve been breaking down metaphorical barriers, and this week physical barriers with the headphones and the glasses taking a step back for now!
I am making braver decisions, and why ? Because I can! Today with my year 13 pupils we have been studying libertarianism, free will and determinism, and today we were looking specifically and self eat rainy and will power. Part of thef lesson involved the sentence ‘ought implies can’! This was yet another lightbulb moment for me. This is a difference in my life, whereas ought used to imply erm no, for me it does now imply can.
I have used the word ought many times in the past although I always imagine it should be written oooooooouuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhtttt to fully get across the whinging said with which it was said.
I ought to make dinner but it’s easier to phone a takeaway
I ought to walk home but there’s a bus due in a minute
I ought to tidy up but it’s the weekend and I should be resting
I ought to wash up, but it’s late and I need my sleep
I ought to wait till my brother has finished watching his TV programme to practice my music but I really want to annoy him!
I ought to exercise but I’m not sure what I’m doing
I ought to stay late to mark those books but the hubby is home tonight so I should get home to him
I ought to stay late to mark those books but the hubby isn’t home tonight so I can watch that programme he doesn’t like
I ought to stay late to mark those books but quite frankly I don’t want to to!
My favourite one ever was when I was at uni, and I went to the dr and said I know I ought to lose weight but I know that if I get low blood sugar it can cause seizures!
Any who I find myself cooking even if it’s just for myself, I am staying later to make sure books are marked. I am walking, I am exercising – because I can!
Bravery means stepping out of a comfort zone, and that is what I have done, I have stepped away from what I have known, into the unsure, doing things I’m not entirely comfortable with, and so far it has brought about change, health, and a lot of lovely comments. I was talking today with someone who was questioning my choice of not listening to music, his argument being that for him music puts him into a zone of thinking. And I think that is the case for me sometimes. But at the moment I need to be taken away from my routine and to start taking note of what is going on around me!
I am brave, I am braver than I think I am. It’s not through my own strength though, it is through the encouragement of others and what I have seen God doing in my life. The soundtrack for my week – in my head rather than the headphones – is You make me brave within the chorus the words say you make me brave, you make brave, you call me out from the shore into the waves.
I’ve definitely been called from the shore on to the waves, and of course with the waves there are incredible highs, but there are also lows, and then there are the times when things just seem to be carrying on normally. But if your not brave enough to to move from the shore, your not going to experience the highs! It’s a risk – but I have to say you ought to give it a go, which implies you can give it a go!
BE BRAVE I DARE YOU