Yesterday and today there have been some tears shed, actually today there were a LOT of tears shed, which became highly embarrassing – except for the fact that I escaped before many people noticed! 

Why tears? I hear you ask. I felt EXHAUSTED, by this I mean that I felt drained of any energy AT ALL! Slightly problematic when you are one of the chief minions at a church holiday club! I was exhausted which meant that I wasn’t able to do my best at church, which then led to me feel deflated – one of those joyous vicious circle moments! 

Yesterday I put it down to the fact that I’d barely slept the night before. Today I’d slept better, so felt energised until a couple of people pointed out I looked exhausted – then I was! 

I couldn’t work it out! Maybe it was because I’d not fully rested after my seizure like I normally do, I’d kept going and my body and brain weren’t entirely happy about it? Maybe it was because I’d not had much ‘me’ time as I’d been in Birmingham with family and friends, then come straight back to holiday club madness?

Whatever it was, I didn’t like the way I was feeling. Mainly as it was reminding me of the previous existence of Helen. No! I am not going back there!

I’d been thinking through things, when my thoughts were seconded by my dear friend ‘E’ who had received texts from me and who responded with ‘remember how much this is not you! Keep going but pace yourself – although I wonder bizarrely if your body is missing exercise and the endorphins released by it?’

I decided at that point that I was going to be going for a run. I have since done my first run and my first real exercise since my seizure last Sunday, and I feel so much better already!

All week I have kept going, which I thought was progress, but I was holding back on the exercise, this was partly as I had a swollen ankle at the beginning of the week, and bruising all over my body; partly as I was in Birmingham so was out of my routine; but partly because I felt I needed to take it slow as I’d had a seizure and needed to recover. 

I’m now starting to think maybe I just needed to ‘snap out of it’! From the point where I had decided that I was going for a run, I found it easier to work and I felt happier. During the run I enjoyed the time it gave me to think and reflect over the last week! After the run I have felt happier and more energised than I have all week!

I don’t think it is as easy as just snapping out of it, I’m also hoping I won’t have enough experience of how to respond to seizures to discover what is best! But I think I definitely need to approach the recovery different from now on.

The lightbulb moment really was how much better I have felt since I have been exercising! The endorphins really do make a difference! Just knowing I was going to go for a run made me feel better!

 Today was the first time this week that my Fitbit has vibrated – meaning I met my goal of 10000 steps. Usually I am well over that goal, or I go out of my way to ensure I do. And yet this week has been more active than most of my weeks in my previous life! This is how much I have changed, I’m still in shock that this is me writing it! I enjoy exercise, and exercise helps me enjoy life! Lightbulb moment!